Gender. A term assigned to us at birth. A term that classifies our characteristics even before we develop them. These 6 letters put us all in a mold that decides the shape our souls should take.

But, what happens when we decide that we don’t want to be a part of the given “structure” anymore? Do we get a chance to be ourselves? The answer is, “if we want.”

And, Hiten did want this. According to the Instagram profile, Hiten Noonwal is a free bird. A gender-fluid bird who learned to fly when the world was busy trying to break its wings. But, the wings didn’t shatter, in fact, pledged to soar higher in the sky.

Hiten experiences the magic of flying in his life, every day. We found out how.

Describe yourself in five hashtags.

#Genderfluid #Eclectic #Ecstatic #Humble #Artist

Art is not considered a “stable” or rewarding career. How did you brush away these perceptions to follow your passion?

“Fashion is a profession and art is heart”

I work as a fashion designer to pay my bills and support my parents. But to heal my soul, I just love to express myself through various mediums of art. When I do a self-shoot or a performance, I make sure that I get complete satisfaction from it. I believe stability outweighs adventure and growth. I just need a reason to express myself and my emotions. I can perform all throughout my life. Art is spiritually fulfilling. It feeds my soul, it makes me content and brings me to my full potential. I feel complete. Also, it makes me mindful.

Last year after college, I gave up on creating artworks, thinking nothing good was happening in my life. I stopped creating for a month. Later I realized I was losing my identity. My artworks define who I am, they are a reflection of my inner-self and my identity. I can manage with less amount of money, but I can’t afford to lose my identity.

You believe in the minimalistic and effective way of self-expression. Send us your clicks through which you express your thoughts on the following:

Online trolls

People usually get offended by images of me dressed as a woman. They advise me not to dress like a woman! They pass lewd comments on my clothing and appearance. They comment on my images and sometimes report my profile and block me on Facebook/ Instagram. They think it’s very shameful to dress like a woman if you’re born as a “male”. To them, I always revert back by saying –  “I’m not ashamed to dress like a woman, because “it’s not shameful to be a woman.”

Reality TV show

I participated in a popular reality TV show, the trolls I faced during then, left me depressed for about a year. I was in my 1^st semester at the National Institute of Design. I was giving belly dancing auditions. I was really excited and stitched myself a beautiful costume. My theme was “Celebration of life”. I performed the dance wearing feminine makeup and costume. My song was a fusion of “Ojas asi by Shakira and an Egyptian instrumental music.” I still remember my costume, I was wearing a usual belly dance costume, a bra-top, a belly dance skirt and a tree headgear.  Judges for the show were prominent Bollywood figures. I started my performance with a sad instrumental, followed by a joyful music.

The judges pressed their buzzer to stop my performance. One particular judge pressed the buzzer for the another younger judge. She said rudely, “why are you dancing as a girl?, What are you doing? You scared me and I will scream at night remembering you. She also said “kahan-kahan se aa jaate hain”. The male judge who was a veteran actor commented on my costume, I was terribly humiliated yet there was one younger judge who said, “I like your belly moves and makeup.” After my performance I got numb, I Sat backstage for around 30 minutes until a guard came and asked me to leave the venue. I was left with sorrow and pain in my heart.

Things didn’t end there. I went into a phase of the depression when I watched the show on TV.  It looked way more humiliating on the television. They presented me in a very cheap and disrespectful fashion.  They edited my video, they changed my music from Shakira’s Ojas asi into “Laila mai laila aisi hu laila”.

I didn’t know what to do. I was terrified. My family, college and schoolmates, neighbors and other known people who watched the show started making fun of me.  No one believed that such a famous reality talent hunt show had edited my video and changed the music.

Life felt so unfair. From that moment on, I slipped into depression. I couldn’t concentrate on my studies & quit performing, too.

Gradually I started believing that everything happens for a reason. After few months, I started taking part in dance competitions and fashion shows. I worked very hard on myself.

And, the hard work paid off. I won many dance and fashion shows. I kept participating and practiced as hard as I could. NID was a big platform for me to showcase my talent. I gave auditions for the fashion show in my 1^st year and my seniors selected me as the show-stopper. I was happy to walk the ramp as a woman showstopper, it boosted my confidence and from that day, there was no looking back. I tried to accept my gender fluid attitude and walked the ramps of many fashion shoes.

Your first love

My work, it engaged my mind and filled my soul with happiness when no one was around.

When did you first perform as a gender fluid dancer? Share with us your backstage memories before going on the stage for that very first time.

I was in Class 6 when I first performed as a gender fluid dancer. I was wearing a lehenga, makeup, kajal, kum-kum, bangles and an open hair wig. The stage was lit up with yellow, red and blue lights. I was thrilled with my performance and was waiting for it with a bated breath. I don’t remember exactly what all I was feeling; except the feeling so beautiful, happy and complete.”

Who’s the first person you share your art ideas and concepts with? One such crazy idea that they totally laughed off? Did you still go ahead with it?

Usually, I share my ideas with my best friends Riturana Deori and Sanjeet Tusir. They understand me inside-out. I share my ideas with them to be able to refine them and to know their feedback on it. They have been very supportive, always encourage me and appreciate my ideas.

Tell us about the inspiration and the story behind this look.

#genderfluid #selfacceptance #fashionshow #iim #nid #showstopper #winner #selfesteem

58 Likes, 1 Comments – Hiten Noonwal (@hiten.noonwal) on Instagram: “#genderfluid #selfacceptance #fashionshow #iim #nid #showstopper #winner #selfesteem”

Inspiration – Dolls and beautiful witches. White skin shows a bloodless body, red triangular eye make-up shows negativity and black & gold depicts power and mystery.

This image is from a fashion show competition. Our theme was ‘Dollhouse’. The fashion shows I choreograph are always an integration of fashion and drama. I believe in storytelling, rather than just the presentation of the products. I was a negative character in the show, a witch. I was attracting people and pretending that I’ll make them as beautiful as beautiful dolls. But, I was just consuming their life for my never-ending youth and beauty. Such themes always attract spectators. Later in the show, a positive character comes in and makes everyone come back to life with her magical powers. The show ends with a bang where all the characters chain me, they convert me into a doll and leash her in her own limited world. It was a wonderful experience. We showcased garments made out of unconventional materials. The show ended with fireworks.

And, guess what? We won.

This sketch is so interesting. What have you been nostalgic about, as the hashtag reads?

This sketch is a drawing from one of my self-portraits.

#selfportrait #dryflower #genderfluid #melencoly #nostalgic

57 Likes, 1 Comments – Hiten Noonwal (@hiten.noonwal) on Instagram: “#selfportrait #dryflower #genderfluid #melencoly #nostalgic”

“Dry flowers”

Dry Flowers 
When flowers lose their color
And petals start to fall,
The beauty it poses before
Left for nature’s call.

Meant for us to keep in mind
That people come and go,
But the things they have done so caring
Aren’t done to show.

And when we want the flower
To smile his heart for long,
We fix the environment a little bit
And sings a lovely song.

In the book of eternity
The memory lasts beyond hours,
Once did the petals bloom
But now are just Dry Flowers.

I’ve talked about dry flowers in this work. Dry flowers represent the time, which is gone. These flowers were fresh with an unforgettable fragrance. Whenever I look at these flowers/the past through the medium of images, music, fragrance, words, weather. I feel so “nostalgic” and I miss my beautiful past.

We have observed your fondness for eagles. What does this bird signify for you?

The wings of an eagle symbolize balance and co-dependency between females and males, and how each gender must work unitedly in order to achieve harmonious results. The bird signifies equality and balance to me. The Eagle is known as “The master of skies” and is a symbol of great significance. He is believed to be the creature with the closest relationship with the God. By soaring great heights, he can travel between the physical world and the spiritual world. He is said to be a messenger to the God. Unlike the raven’s ability to send messages down, the eagle sends messages and prayers to the Creator. Although every part of the eagle has a separate and significant meaning, the Eagle as a whole, denotes focus, great strength, peace, leadership and incredible prestige.

Apart from #bizzarebra, another adventurous look that you have dared to adorn and nailed it.

#bizarrebra #worldofwearableart #rakeshravindharan #nidhinbose #fashion #art

105 Likes, 11 Comments – Hiten Noonwal (@hiten.noonwal) on Instagram: “#bizarrebra #worldofwearableart #rakeshravindharan #nidhinbose #fashion #art”

You have many beautiful semi-nude portraits that depict a beautiful bond between a photographer and the model. Who’s your photographer and how is your bond with him? What are the funniest things he tells you during the shoot about your poses?

The bond between the photographer and model is beautiful in my semi-nude portraits because both of them are the same person. Yes, You got it right it’s me representing both the sides.

I started photography with my own portraits. Later people (designers/artists) started showing their interest in me. I do nude modeling for my personal work. I don’t feel comfortable doing nudes for others. I’m a little shy in going nude for others.

What preparations do you do to get into the character during your dance performances?

First step –Theme

My themes are derived from my daily life experiences.

Second step – Music

Deciding and composing/mixing the music.

Third step – Look (Costume and make-up)

I keep on thinking of the look/character. I draw a lot of ideas for my costume. I stand in from of the mirror and drape myself to see how will I look. I do makeup trials as well. I design all my costumes and accessories.

And when I’m ready for my performance, I’m not Hiten anymore. I become the character I have donned.

Do your parents have full access to archives of your art? Do they share the same vision with you?

Yes, they do. They only know that I’m doing a photoshoot, painting and performing. They’ve also witnessed one of my exhibitions I have done with the Geman embassy. They appreciate my artworks thinking it’s “just art”.

I talk about equality, acceptance, abuse and basic human rights. Or maybe they understand, but never want to accept it because they are a part of society that do not appreciate LGBT and other basic human freedom.

My parents speak little because of their surroundings, but they always support me.

Typical gender roles that you would love to see gender fluid?

Forget stereotypes and accept everyone, including yourself.

I would love to see the freedom to live with the identity of your soul and not compelling people live on the basis of their physical identity (male/ female). Freedom to live is very important.

Who’s your:

1. make-up inspiration – Baroque and Gothic
2. Favorite dancer – I connected a lot with Helen when I was a kid. Now, I admire Meher Malik.
3. LGBT+ role model – There are many, it’s more like an eclectic choice. My role model has always been my surroundings. The positive and negative reactions of people around me made me do things what I do today and become who I am.
4. Favorite muse for photo art – Christian Martin Weiss and A.M Lorek

Other ways in which you are challenging and shattering the rigid boundaries of gender.

Poetry – I write poems

Public performance art  – Easy way to spread your message to everyone.

KIPAF – I performed at KIPAF (Kolkata Internationnational Performance Art Festival) in Jan 2017 with a dress made of mirrors. I placed another small piece of mirror in front and as a poem on ‘mirror’ was read out and I acted. The mirror pieces got reflected into tiny specs of light on the wall. When asked about my performance I mentioned that the mirror reflects only what the truth is.

On the last day at the Ganga Ghat, I again gave a performance. Dressed up as a beautiful woman puppet with a doll in my hands. I was dressed up as a female toy. Wearing all white.

I started dancing with the public one by one. Everyone was enjoying the dancing with me thinking I’m a female. Later I started removing my costume to reveal my real identity. People were surprised to see my real-self. They stopped coming nearby. I shouted out loud and said, this is real, I’m not a puppet. Whatever I did was just to get some love in return,  but you abused me. This is real me behind the costume, do you accept me now? Do you accept my real identity? I am a male and I ask for acceptance and the freedom of living.

Fill in the blanks:

1. Only art can… heal your soul.
2. To understand gender fluidity one must… learn to accept differences.
3. Love… is inherently free.

Your alter ego?

“Sometimes I’m a bird and sometimes I’m a tree,

No-one can tame me, I’m always free!”

Hi, I’m Hiten’s alter ego, a nameless identity. But you have seen me a lot many times in many characters. In Hiten’s images and performance. I’m a free bird. I have no boundaries, I become whatever I want to. Away from all the desires, I listen to my heart and fly.

One unusual thing that we’ll always find:

1. On your work table – Clutter… Oops! Spoon
2. In your travel bag – Feathers/ hairpins
3. In your makeup kit – Fevicol and tape

This article was first published in June 2017.