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“My Husband Cheated On Me Because I Am Fat”

  • IWB Post
  •  November 12, 2016

 

Fat-shaming is the reality of the world we live in. There are still huge numbers of people in the world who feel good about themselves by shaming other people’s bodies.

And, when a woman’s body is in the question, the majority have their own view of the “perfect body.” Unfortunately, the definition of the perfect body has no room for what the body-shamers like to call, “the ugly fat.”

But, there are also Fatasstic chicks like me out there, who are proving the world that fat is beautiful and fat is perfect.

In the past, I have shared my struggles with my weight and how I became the body-positive person I am today. But, recently, we got an email which was addressed to Miss Fatasstic.

A woman from Delhi wanted to share her story with me of how her weight had ruined her life. Confused, I talked to her and here’s what she told:

(Note: The names  have been changed to keep the identity of the woman anonymous.)

“I originally belong to Agra and shifted to Delhi after getting married in 2010. Ours was a love cum arrange marriage. Manan’s father was a friend of my father. Both the families went on vacations together and planned weekend getaways. We started getting close, and during our Thailand Trip together, Manan proposed me. Our family was beyond happy, and everything seemed like a fairytale come true. Our wedding was a big fat Indian one; it was perfect.

Manan made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world and pampered me with surprise gifts, vacations, dinners, etc. In 2014, we were blessed with a baby girl. Our lives changed, for better. Or that’s what I thought at the time. It was four months back that I started to feel that something was wrong. He avoided taking me to dinners, weddings, family functions, etc. Now, when I think back, it was happening since our daughter’s birth. But, I was always so busy (and tired) in taking care of our little daughter that I thought he didn’t want to bother me.

However, as Myra turned one and my life became a bit easy, I wanted the fun back in my life. I made plans for dinners and movies but Manan always canceled them saying he couldn’t make it. Also, I realized that we weren’t having sex at all! The last time he touched me, sexually, was before Myra was born. Since our marriage, we had this sexy little game that we played, where we engaged into role-playing sexting as I waited for him to come home from work. I had tried this, too, but, all in vain!

One night, I decided to take the first move, and that was the first time I observed that his behavior had changed. He moved me away and shouted, “Please, stay away. I’ll die under your weight.” And, he turned away and slept. It pinched me so bad. I tried talking to him the next day, but he just didn’t respond. It was suffocating.

We hadn’t talked for seven days, and it was killing me inside. I stopped looking in the mirror. I know I have gained a few kilos but didn’t know it had affected Manan this much. I decided to lose weight. I opened my laptop and started searching for dietitians in Delhi. And, then I saw. Manan’s personal mail was not logged out. And, a chat box popped up. It was from some girl, Khushi. I have never heard of her. As I looked into the chat history, I was dumbfounded.

MY HUSBAND WAS CHEATING ON ME!

I cried, cried, and cried. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Every minute we had spent together flashed across me and I felt helpless. It was almost 9:30 in the night and I thought to myself that Manan would be home anytime soon. I decided to clear it right away. As soon as he got home, I told him, “I know what’s happening. But, I won’t storm out because I know that there must be a valid reason for all this. I want to know what’s happened. I am all ears.”

Manan seemed confused and asked, ignorantly, “What are you talking about?”

Tears rolled down my eyes, and I could just murmur, “About you and Khushi.”

He said with a straight face, “So, now that you know, I don’t have to hide it anymore. Yes, I am with Khushi.”

I was shocked! He had no remorse or apology for what he had done. He told me that he was ashamed of my fat. Those three hours were the worst time of my life. In those three hours, every minute he made me realize that I should have been apologetic and ashamed of myself and my body.

I still remember his resentful comments.

“You look like a football, and I am embarrassed to stand alongside you.”

“Have you looked in the mirror lately? I would cut myself if I looked like that!”

“How do you even expect me to have sex with you?  You’ll suffocate me to death, and I’ll be lost in your flabby stomach.”

I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave him, or my daughter will lose her father. Now, I hate what I see in the mirror. My body has become a curse. What should I do now?”

My heart reached out to her, and I knew that she’s not the only woman who’s going through this. I have seen many women bashing themselves because their husbands don’t “approve” of their bodies.

Dear Kiran,

First, start appreciating the beauty around, and the best way to do that is to look into the mirror. Look into the mirror and embrace your body. Tell yourself that you are beautiful the way you are. Spend a little extra time in front of the mirror and deck up! But, remember you are dressing up not to impress or please anyone but for yourself.

Second, understand that it’s wrong for anyone to demean you. Your husband tried to make you feel lesser and it’s not right. He not only body-shamed you but used it as an excuse for his adultery. Have a conversation with him and tell him that nothing in the world can make you feel less beautiful. Make it clear to him that the marriage won’t work if he hurts your self-respect. And, always remember that confidence in self is teh sexiest thing about a woman. 

Also, don’t worry about your daughter. When she grows up, she’ll be proud of you for standing for yourself. It’s never too late to begin again. Start your life afresh and do it with a promise of self-love and positive vibes. (with or without your husband, that only you can decide)

Love,

Miss Fatasstic

P.S.- If you have a story to share, you may write to us on contactjaipurwomenblog@gmail.com

Photo Source : Getty Images (The photo used herein, is just for representation.)

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