Date Nine: When Feminist Drop Pati Met A Feminazi Guy
- IWB Post
- May 12, 2016
Daddy dearest cornered!
“Icchadhari Naagin??? Bittoo tujhe aur koi nahi mila tha kya?”
I stifle a laugh as my father tries to mumble back an answer to this question lobbed by his cousin.
“Arey, how would I know that he watches such rubbish serials?”
“And the fact that he is a momma’s boy,” neither Indra uncle nor me pay any heed to my father’s excuse.
“Waise beta, mummy papa ka samman karna to acchi bat hai,” mummy chips in.
Indra uncle bangs his fist on the table.
“Bhabhi ji, just imagine, marrying Rehan would have been the same as marrying his mother. This guy has no personality of his own!
The look on my dad’s face tells me that even he can’t conjure up any points of support for Rehan, the daily soap addict.
Date ka date, paani ka paani???
Now, I like Indra uncle since he always takes my side. And let’s face the fact. After his abominable choice of potential grooms, dad’s a bit low on confidence and hasn’t tried to set me up on a date for around two weeks now.
“Listen Bittoo, there’s this guy, the son of one of my friends, arriving in Jaipur from Chennai for one day. I said to him ki he can stay at my cousin’s place.”
Uh…Oh… Was it a bit too early to think that Indra uncle is on my side?
“Arey don’t worry. From what I know about Ravi, is that he is quite the feminist. I think you will get along with him,” Indra uncle sounds optimistic.
“Aur ghar me hi to rahega? You will get to know him from close quarters. Date ka date aur paani ka paani ho jayega.”
“Thank you chotu,” my father looks at Indra uncle gratefully. But neither this strange tweaking of Hindi phrases nor the ‘brotherly’ love between Bittoo and Chotu interests me.
So now, I have to spend 24 hours with a guy who could be my future husband in my own house? What if this Ravi has a liking for watching CID and crime patrol?
“Dad, cut the TV connection,” I say morosely.
‘Chotu’ has screwed me. Damn it; you can’t count on anyone these days!
Meeting Mr. Feminist
He is pencil thin, has a pointed French cut beard and is wearing a T-Shirt that says ‘Stand up for the sisters.’ Now after waiting sullenly at the airport for an hour, when I finally met Ravi, I didn’t quite like this overt display of feminism.
Seriously why would a feminist need to wear a T-Shirt to flaunt his identity? Shouldn’t actions speak for themselves?
“You must be Drop Pati.”
“Hey Ravi, how are you?”
“Pissed off. Do you know, they were showing Lagaan during the flight? What’s wrong with women-centric films such as Mary Kom?”
Hmm… Now I am starting to have serious doubts about this guy’s over-the-top display of feminism.
But alas, as the day unfolding, I understand that weird feminazis are nothing less than TV-serial obsessed Momma’s boys.
Caution: Ravi doesn’t like chivalry
“Wait. Ye to galat hai bhaiya ji,” the shrill voice of Ravi Sharma reverberates through the airport parking. A couple of people look up.
I try to figure out that what has pissed him off, but in vain.
“Kya ho gaya sir?” the cab driver, who was at the receiving end of Ravi’s tirade seems to be clueless about his mistake (much like me).
”Why were you opening the door for her? Would you have done that for me? Just because she is a woman, you thought that she is weak, and you need to open the door for her to assert that!”
The cab driver looks speechless (I am not far behind).
He continues, “It means that you are indirectly telling her that ‘Look, you are living in a man’s world, and here we are the only ones who can open the doors for you in every stratum of the society.’”
“Umm… Don’t you think Ravi that you’re reading a bit too much into this?”
He looks at me in disbelief before shaking his head and getting into the car.
Okay, did I say something wrong?
Ah… but how naïve I was at that time.
‘Chauvinist’ gaming companies
Next in line is my bechara computer-gaming-obsessed brother who does not know what hits him. It starts like this.
“You know, I noticed that out of all the people that you have shot in this sniper game, many are women. Do you like thinking that you are hurting women?” Ravi’s voice is deadly serious.
“Huh? I think it’s because the computer generates both male as well as female soldiers,” my brother sounds confused.
“The gaming company must have done this to cater to the needs of the dominant male,” Ravi says grimly.
Dad is looking at me; his expression is shocked.
“See how wise your ‘feminist’ damaad is?” I mutter under my breath.
Save us from the feminazi!
Throughout the day, the feminist (or rather a feminazi) Ravi continues to find traces of male domination in every corner of our house.
The tipping point comes when he asks dad this:
“Uncle I saw that you have two guestrooms. I guess I have been given the bigger one because I am a man? If I were a woman, you would have made me stay in the smaller one, huh? Do you know that this attitude reeks of sexism?”
By this time, dad too seems to have realized that having Ravi as a damaad won’t be a good decision.
‘Gender discrimination’ between puppies
So an hour later, when the potential damaad stormed out of our house (he couldn’t digest the fact that both our golden retrievers are male), much like me dad too looks to be relieved.
“I can’t live in a house that discriminates between male and female dogs,” he had said before bidding adieu. We really didn’t know what to say about this impossible argument.
I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself, ‘I am a feminist too, but crazy people like Ravi are the reason why ‘Feminism’ is such a misunderstood and almost controversial term. They just don’t get the fact that we feminists are seekers of equality! We’re not a creed of male-blood thirsty monsters who accuse men baselessly out of bizarre interpretations! Cut us some slack, Ravi.’
Just then, papa’s words perturb my reverie, “Chalo bala tali. At least I am not the worst when it comes to choosing potential grooms. Chotu sucks as well,” says dad, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but for once, both dad and I were on the same page about the date thingy.