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Date Five: Drop Pati Meets Oh-So-Handsome Boy But Everything Goes Apshagun

  • IWB Post
  •  April 5, 2016

 

Mom, dad & I were silently seated at the dining table. Dinner was served, and I was drenched in the guilt of rejecting Vishnu. The sound of my spoon frequently clicking against the platter was creating a cacophony. That was the only sound that filled the room when out of nowhere, dad began.

Sardi, Khaansi na Malaria hua, ye gayi yaara isko Sekseria hua!

My mother chuckled, and I said, “Stop it, dad!” This time, I’d decided to keep mum, and make a quick damage recovery. I had to meet a new guy and get rid of the way I’d been feeling about Vishnu. This time I promised myself, I’d be sweeter.

Loveria Struck me!

Your daughter is in love!” Daddy dearest winked at mom.

Ugh, no dad, I’m not. How can anyone fall in love in a day? I just feel bad for the poor fellow! I’m so cruel. Wish I could just bury my face under the blanket and forget this ever happened, with some hot coffee, please.”

My mother piled the used dishes and marched towards the sink. She was suspiciously quiet.

Dad followed her to the kitchen, and as I turned my face to look at him, he snapped, “I’m getting a wet cloth to clean the table.”

Nope, not happening. Why’d my dad suddenly feel like cleaning the table? There’s a lot brewing inside the kitchen & it’s definitely not hot coffee.

As much as I resented it, I wanted another date, soon. Y’know, to balance out my evil acts.

Dad came back out and, in slow, haphazard motions, began wiping the glass table. He rubbed his nose, then his ears, and hesitantly murmured, “I’veadateforyoutonight.

What?”

“He has another date for you, Dropati!” My mother screeched from the kitchen.

I contained my gratefulness and said, “Oh dad, not again. Ok, I’ll do it. What’s his name? When is the date?”

He left the cloth as-it-is and smiled of victory. He didn’t need to pester me today!

I haven’t seen his face, but he appears to be very sanskaari, from what I hear. His name is Kabir Jhunjhunwalllaa with three Ls and two As, owns an i-20 and is buying a flat this Navratri Sthapna. His father is also an old friend…”

“Drop Pati Jhunjhunwalllaa with three L’s and two A’s,”I imagined.

Nevermind, dad’s old friends have decent kids…

Date Prep

I nodded my head in approval & eagerly waited to meet this guy. Don’t get me wrong; I really didn’t have any intention of ‘seeing’ him. I just wanted to set my Karma straight.

I put on a yellow suit, dressed well, I dunno why, and thankfully, my dad didn’t sense anything fishy. 

Um, awesome name. Check.

Dad’s friend. Check.

He was supposed to pick me up at 5.05 p.m. for some reason. It was 5.05 exactly. I saw a white i-20 stop at my gate.

Punctual. Check.

And it started

Kabir got out of the car & something happened. The six-feet-tall, dark & handsome Kabir had put on a black blazer, blue jeans & an expensive watch.

Hi,” I stammered. I felt like I was a teenager again. He smelled like a car, had big, broad shoulders, a smile worth dying for.

Hotness. Check.

Hi!” Mr. Hotness said. He opened the gate for me.

Manners. Check.

I thanked Karma for giving me this opportunity to “be nice”.

He checked the time and smiled.

I hope you don’t mind; we can’t leave before 5.10 p.m., or the date won’t go well!”

What? Did he visit a Pundit for some kind of a muharat? Apparently, he did.

My pundit ji told me to start the ignition at 5.10 p.m. after picking you up. That will ensure that our date turns out perfect.”

Aren’t you a bit too superstitious?”

Sorry, Dropati. But, there are some things I can’t compromise with.”

‘He’s so sexy when he talks.’ I wondered.

We proceeded and I asked him, “Where are we going?”

“See, it’s not a good time to visit any cafes right now, so we’ll be visiting an ice cream parlour. Ice creams add a sort of a positive aura to the conversation.”

Am I crazy or did none of that make any sense?

We made our way to the Naturals ice cream parlour, and I seated myself on the couch. Looking at him straight in the eye, I realised, yet again, that he was gorgeous.

He smiled at me with his pearly whites, and as he pushed his hair back, I noticed something peculiar. All fingers in his right hand were covered in gemstones. Ah, those adorable long fingers! They were pretty much clouding my vision.

What ice-cream would you like to have, Dropati? Your pink cheeks suggest Strawberry!”

I blushed like a little girl and quietly nodded. The voice of reason in my head called out to me. “Are you f*cking kidding me Dropati? You fell for that pickup line?”

Sadly, I can only have black coloured ice-cream, or I will get fired from my job.”

What?” I impulsively said.

Well, the thing is, my Pundit is very concerned about my job, so he’s my advisor. For example, I’m not allowed to wear black shoes.” He said, pointing down at his nude loafers.

 I passively nodded, and my voice of reason said, “Run, run, run away from this lunatic!

When were you born?” He said, inquisitively.

August 5th. Why?” I said reminding myself that he’s a guy so hot that I could do with staring at him my entire life and not listening to a word he’d say.

He remained silent; sadly I didn’t notice. And, just as we were about to leave, I sneezed.

He Bhagwaan! You sneezed.” Kabir dug out a rudraksh mala from his pocket and said, “Altu jalal tu, ayi bala ko taal tu. Altu jalal tu, ayi bala ko taal tu.”

I.HAD.TO.BE.SWEET.HE.WAS.HOT

And Dumping Time….. Twist Alert

On our way back home, he stopped the car with a startle. “Crap.”
He shouted.

What happened?” And, that’s when I noticed a black cat cross the road.

Sorry, it can’t work out between us.” He said.

Before I could say something, he added, “You are beautiful, and I know you’re into me, but some things aren’t meant to be.

Kabir,” I said.

See, you’re a Leo, and Leos & Scorpions are an absolute mismatch. Besides, you sneezed & even though that was giving me second thoughts, the black cat crossing the road made the decision for me.

It was time for me to stop listening to him.

Well played Karma, well played.

A scooter-wala crossed the road and let Kabir drive off into the sunset after dropping & dumping me.

I entered the house, and at the same time, mom dropped the glass of milk.

Oh god, mom! Apshagun! Apshagun! Apshagun!

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