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Vena Ramphal

Celebrity relationship coach based in the UK. In 2017 her award winning TV sex education show put Vena at the forefront of the movement to improve access to information about pleasure, bodies, emotional connection and physical intimacy. She is known for making conversations about sex soulful, intelligent and uplifting. A yogini and classical Indian dancer, Vena brings you light, delight and fun through her weekly column.

#AskVena: How Do I Make My Experience Of Sex More Uplifting And Spiritual?

  • IWB Post
  •  May 18, 2018

Sex is one of the most naturally spiritual acts we can do – potentially. It can turn on our hearts, minds and souls as well as our bodies. I think it’s even more important in today’s world that we make our sex lives into a nourishing experience. There’s so much harshness in the world, we could all do with more tenderness. And an uplifting, spiritual experience of sex is one of the best ways to bring tenderness into your life.

So, how do you transform sex from being a quick ‘rub and shake’ into a soul stirring experience?

Here are five powerful ways for you do this:

Eye contact 

The yogic-tantric tradition of India speaks of ‘darshan’, which is a look, view or gaze. When you go to the temple you get darshan of the deity. You receive the deity’s energy through your eyes. You share in their energy. In the same way when you look at your partner with adoration you share your soulful energy with them and receive their soulful energy in return. Gazing at each other with adoration takes sex to a spiritual level.

Love your own body 

The relationship you have with your own body is the basis of your relationship with your partner’s body. If you feel embarrassed or ashamed or critical of your body, this attitude will leak into your lovemaking and spoil it. Whenever you notice yourself criticising your body, let the thought go. Start to cultivate an adoring relationship with your body. This will spill into your lovemaking as ease and self-confidence – both of which will make you even more attractive to your lover.

Take it slow

So much of modern life is a rush. Slow down. Then slow down some more. You connect more with each other because you’re less focused on getting the act done and more focused on the ‘now’ moment of fleshy touch. So delicious!

Replace restlessness with devotion

I’m not saying iron out your desire! Earthy, hot desire for sex with your partner is very wholesome and spiritual. I’m talking about stressed, restless need – where sex becomes a form of stress relief. Find another way to relieve your stress and then make love.

Use feather light touch

One of the main mistakes people make is to go in too hard. Don’t mistake friction for passion. Use your fingertips to create barely-there strokes along your lover’s skin. Use the tip of tongue to glide along edges and folds. And breathe on sensitive parts of your lover’s body to turn them on even more.

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