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Vena Ramphal

Celebrity relationship coach based in the UK. In 2017 her award winning TV sex education show put Vena at the forefront of the movement to improve access to information about pleasure, bodies, emotional connection and physical intimacy. She is known for making conversations about sex soulful, intelligent and uplifting. A yogini and classical Indian dancer, Vena brings you light, delight and fun through her weekly column.

#AskVena: Does Delaying Ejaculation, According To Ancient Tantric Sex, Really Make Orgasm Enjoyable?

  • IWB Post
  •  August 3, 2018

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

Recently, a lady asked me if Tantric Sex offers a different kind of orgasm.

(Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that has been going for over 5,000 years, and means ‘the weaving and expansion of energy’. It’s a slow form of sex that’s said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasms.)

She said, “I was told that the men can orgasm without ejaculating. I’d like to try it with my partner, but I don’t understand how a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation. Is it really possible? How would he do it?”

In the Western world, we think of female orgasm as complex and elusive and male orgasm as something straightforward. This is a mistake. Ejaculation and orgasm are two different things. For most men, without any training of their sexual response, orgasm happens (briefly!) around ejaculation. It starts with a fluttering sensation in the prostate area and builds into stronger sensations throughout the pelvis during which fluids squirt from the body.

But orgasm and ejaculation are different. Ejaculation is the physical expulsion of fluids. Orgasm is the energetic, visceral experience of peak sexual energy. It is possible for a man to ejaculate without orgasm, or with less of an orgasm than he would like. I have had clients who have, in their words, “lost their orgasm”. They still ejaculate but there is no pleasure in it. It feels mechanical.

Naked Gun Orgasm GIF

One discovery of tantric practices is that it is possible to delay ejaculation, and even to leave it out completely while still having an orgasm. One reason why people do this is to conserve their energy. Ejaculation leaves men feeling spent. So how to attempt this erotic feat?

Here’s an easy way to think about it: orgasm lives on the edge BEFORE ejaculation. This is sometimes called ‘the point of no return’. If he goes past that point, ejaculation occurs and his orgasm is brief. If he learns to stop on that edge and allow the contracting sensations to diffuse – he can have an orgasm without ejaculation. To do this, he will need to slow down his breathing. It lowers the body’s arousal. It remains pleasurable but he has pulled back from that edge. Once men start to experiment with this, they can experience new levels of intimacy and pleasure, both with their partners and within themselves. The energy that would have been lost in ejaculation becomes sublimated into tingling energy that moves through the whole body-heart. It is a good way for men to soften and enrich their experience of sex.

I think that in current times men desperately need this softening and enriching experience. It enhances their mental health and emotional well-being and, of course, has the benefit of extending the physical pleasure.

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