Shailaza Singh: a single parent, a shakti-woman
- IWB Post
- March 7, 2015
“No matter how much black makes you look beautiful, it is just not the shade for me. I have a colorful life to look ahead’’, says Shailaza Singh. Shailaza is a single parent to a 8 yr old girl and an independent working lady. Today she is sharing her story so that some of us can be inspired to live a life of the dignity just like her.
I belong to a Rajput family. My married life was a case of the domestic violence and dowry. My husband used to drink and to physically abuse me repeatedly. I decided to give birth to our child thinking it is the only solution to bring peace but I was wrong.
Since childhood I was taught about the self-respect and hence, I decided to move out of my in-laws’ house after 3 yrs of my marriage. I shifted to my parental home seeing their support for me and my daughter.
After sometime, due to excess alcohol, my husband passed away. And then began my real fight. Relatives asked me to go back to my in-laws and support them.
The stage of realization:
I realized I was better off without anyone who had hurt me in the past. I continued to live with my parents and took up a full time job so that I don’t have to depend on my father’s earning. Thereby, I realized that living with her maternal grandparents, my daughter will get a 360 degree nurturing.
I think a lot about my daughter’s future and security. What if I am no more tomorrow, whom is she going to depend on?
Jaipur has no child-care facility for single mothers. If I go to work in the morning, who will take care of my daughter for the whole day? Today she has her grandparents, but what about future? In short, I have no security for my daughter.
Author J.K Rowling was able to give almost 5 yrs to write the Harry Potter novel, without any earnings! How? Because UK govt. helped her run the house financially. I miss such good schemes in our country.
I don’t think woman needs anything called ‘emotional support’. She is ‘Shakti’.
In the beginning, not everyone understood when I said ‘I am a single mother’. I had to give a dictionary meaning.
Another problem that most of us face is the trust issue. We cannot be friends with a married man because we can break his marriage (also). We cannot be efficient at workplace because we could not make our marriage work out. Bullsh*t.
Daddy’s little girl:
As far as my daughter is concerned, I haven’t told her about her daddy yet. I haven’t told her that he is dead and cannot come back. Small kids are sensitive and I am waiting for the right age to gently disclose everything.
So that she is not caught in an indifferent situation at school, we have made her call my father ‘Papa’. So now she knows she has a ‘Papa’ to talk about when it is being discussed among her little friends.
I am married to my work. I am at a stage where I BELIEVE that a woman can do it all alone. I don’t feel the need of a man in my life. I am doing everything for my family that a man would do.
I will ‘choose’ to get married, if that ever happens. I have stepped out of the customs, so it is going to be me who would decide anything about marriage not the society.
Yes, I do feel lonely at times when I am not working or my little daughter is not taking me out for a picnic! During such times I go shopping, read books and even do some anonymous internet chatting! Ha-ha.
I plan to open an NGO for women like me and their children. I know a 3k salary is not going to feed you anything nowadays. I want to support women who are fighting their unfortunate circumstances, just want to give them a direction and make them utilize their potential in a right way.
How wonderful it would be if we have single-moms group in Jaipur! I really look forward to something like this where city’s single women meet, gossip, eat, drink, shop and plan vacations together!
Her stature, voice and enigma are strong. And no, it is not because of her black dress and dark eye-liner. This is because this woman is no more dependent on anything for her happiness. She creates her own happiness, everyday.