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Vena Ramphal

Celebrity relationship coach based in the UK. In 2017 her award winning TV sex education show put Vena at the forefront of the movement to improve access to information about pleasure, bodies, emotional connection and physical intimacy. She is known for making conversations about sex soulful, intelligent and uplifting. A yogini and classical Indian dancer, Vena brings you light, delight and fun through her weekly column.

#AskVena: My Husband Suggests Kama Sutra Positions. But I’m Not Very Flexible.

  • IWB Post
  •  February 16, 2018

The Kama Sutra is famous the world over for its list of sex positions. Not surprisingly, I’m often asked about the Kama Sutra when people want to spice up their sex life.

For example, one lady asked:

“My husband wants to be more experimental in the bedroom and has suggested we try positions from the Kama Sutra. But I’m not very flexible, and I feel lost as to what to do! I don’t want to make a fool of myself but I definitely want to try something different. I’m committed to making our relationship as good as it can be. And to be honest, I’m looking forward to it. I want to feel closer to my husband and have some fun, too!”

My advice in this case is:

I have a clever way for you and your husband to have some experimental fun in the bedroom. You don’t need to be super flexible to try something new. It’s important to remember that sex should be pleasurable and that you should feel comfortable and happy about what you are doing. So, my tip is this:

Instead of trying acrobatic positions use different furniture! Take your lovemaking out of the bed and on to a chair – preferably one without armrests. Get him to sit on the chair. Face him and sit on his lap. This is a great position for lovemaking – from kissing to foreplay and full intimacy. It offers connection and excitement at the same time. If you want to tease him, just turn around. Before you know it you’ll be rivalling the Kama Sutra with very little effort. Enjoy yourselves!

Remember that when you are experimenting with something new in sex, it’s important to take it slowly. You are moving outside your comfort zone, and so if you need to pause at any time, let your partner know. It might be awkward at first and that’s okay! Before you try the chair talk about it together. And laugh about it together. Humour is a brilliant lubricant in this kind of situation. It helps the awkwardness melt away so you can move into having fun.

Don’t put pressure on yourselves to get your new moves perfect. Enjoy the exploration. Because when your partner says they want to be experimental, they’re not after the perfect Kama Sutra position, they’re after the zing of exploring the new and unknown. That chair represents new territory and getting to meet each other in a new way.

You might be spending a lot more time on it than you originally anticipated.

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